So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
