Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
