But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
