Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
