you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
