we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
