Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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