I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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