just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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