It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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