We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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