The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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