A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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