I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize