just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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