theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
