Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
