so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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