hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
third nipple confirmed
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize