i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
