If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
