Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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