i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
