hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
