i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
