someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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