Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
