I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
