dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
