It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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