Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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