You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
