Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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