Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
