Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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