I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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