Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
