I hate all girls vehemently.
vagina is talking i cant
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Also, beer. Big fan.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
