I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize