Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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