i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
