So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
