Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So squirting runs in the family.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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