can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
