Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
