4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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