we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
