OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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