I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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