Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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