The maid of honor just puked.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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