NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
