Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
