I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
