I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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