What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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