i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
