I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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