I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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