I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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