Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Found the puke drawer
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize