I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
