took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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