Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
