i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
