i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
