I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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