i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
