Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
