I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
