Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
