belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
