I hate your face
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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