Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
